If you have decided to try EMDR therapy, you have probably already done some research. You know it involves eye movements. You may have read that it is evidence-based, that it is used for PTSD, that it can be faster than traditional talk therapy for some people. But knowing the theory and knowing what it actually feels like to sit in the room are two different things. This post is about the second one.
FIRST: YOUR FIRST EMDR SESSION IS NOT PROCESSING
This is the most important thing to understand before you walk in the door. EMDR therapy has eight phases. The first two — History Taking and Preparation — happen before any trauma processing begins. Depending on your history and how quickly you build a sense of safety, these phases may take one session or several. Your first EMDR session will almost certainly be a History Taking session. You will not be doing eye movements. You will not be revisiting traumatic memories. You will be having a conversation. This is not a delay. It is the foundation that makes everything else possible.
WHAT HAPPENS IN THE HISTORY TAKING PHASE
Your therapist will ask you about your history — not just the specific trauma you want to work on, but your broader life context. What brings you in. What symptoms you are experiencing. What your support system looks like. Whether you have been in therapy before and what that was like. They will also ask about your current stability. Are you sleeping? Do you have people in your life you can lean on? Are there any current stressors that might make it difficult to open difficult material right now? This is not small talk. A skilled EMDR therapist is assessing your readiness — not to gatekeep, but to make sure the work is paced in a way that is genuinely helpful rather than destabilizing.
THE PREPARATION PHASE: BUILDING YOUR TOOLKIT
Before processing begins, your therapist will spend time helping you develop stabilization skills. Safe Place: You will be guided to imagine a place — real or imagined — where you feel safe, calm, and at ease. Container Exercise: You will practice imagining a container where you can temporarily store difficult material between sessions. Grounding Techniques: Your therapist may teach you breathing exercises, body-based grounding practices, or other tools for returning to the present moment. These exercises are not filler. For many people — especially those with complex trauma — they are genuinely transformative on their own.
WHEN PROCESSING BEGINS: WHAT IT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE
You will identify a specific memory to work on. Your therapist will ask you to bring it to mind — not to describe it in detail, but to hold it lightly in your awareness. They will ask what image comes up, what negative belief about yourself is connected to it, and where you feel it in your body. Then the bilateral stimulation begins. In most in-person sessions, this means following your therapist's fingers with your eyes as they move back and forth. You will do a short set of eye movements — typically 20 to 30 seconds — and then your therapist will ask: "What do you notice?" You do not need to direct this process. Your job is simply to notice what comes up and report it.
WHAT YOU MIGHT FEEL DURING AND AFTER A SESSION
During processing, people experience a wide range of things. Some feel emotional — sometimes intensely. Some feel physical sensations: warmth, pressure, tingling, a sense of release. Some feel surprisingly calm. All of these are normal. After a processing session, many people feel tired. Some feel lighter. Some feel unsettled or emotionally tender for a day or two. This is normal — it means the brain is continuing to process material even after the session ends. Your therapist will check in at the end of every session to make sure you are grounded and stable before you leave.
BETWEEN SESSIONS
EMDR can stir things up. Dreams may become more vivid. Memories or emotions may surface unexpectedly. This is part of the process. Your therapist will give you specific guidance for between sessions. If you find yourself significantly destabilized between sessions, reach out to your therapist before your next scheduled appointment. A good EMDR therapist will want to know, and will have tools to help.
HOW LONG DOES EMDR TAKE?
This varies considerably depending on the nature and complexity of the trauma, your current level of stability, and how your nervous system responds to the work. For single-incident trauma, some people experience significant relief in as few as three to six sessions of processing. For complex trauma, the work typically takes longer. EMDR is not a quick fix. But for many people, it moves faster than they expected — and the changes tend to be durable.
A FEW THINGS WORTH KNOWING BEFORE YOU START
You are in control. You can stop a processing set at any time. You can ask to slow down. You do not have to describe the memory in detail — one of the things people find surprising about EMDR is that you hold the memory in your awareness while the bilateral stimulation happens; you do not need to narrate what occurred. It can work via telehealth — EMDR has been adapted for telehealth delivery and research supports its effectiveness in this format. The relationship matters — EMDR is a powerful modality, but it works best within a trusting therapeutic relationship.
If you are curious about whether EMDR might be right for what you are carrying, I am glad to talk it through. I offer telehealth sessions for clients in Iowa, Minnesota, Colorado, and Florida, and in-person sessions in Iowa City.